Desperately Dating Articles Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Breaking Up is Hard to Do


Be classy about it when breaking up, whether you are initiating the separation or they are. Don’t say awful things to each other on the way out the door. Hurting them is not going to help you feel better (long-term, anyway). Nor will stalking them on social media or bad mouthing them to all of your friends. Well, maybe a little of that is medicinal, but not too much. It will just keep the toxicity flowing around you and that prevents healing and moving on from the relationship.

Grieve the loss. Allow time and space for this. Don’t rush to couple back up with somebody else, because this time after a break up is where growth happens; you have an opportunity to reflect on the relationship and identify what was good and what was not good. You figure out what you need in future partnerships and what is best avoided. Don’t forget to add these items to your partner wish list so you can find a better fit and avoid making the same bad picks over and over.

Probably even more important is to figure out what you can learn about yourself from the failed relationship and what growing you need to do. Always a sucker for a pretty face and a black heart? Can’t seem to resist “bad boys”? Always fall for someone’s potential self but not who they really are? Explore why these patterns exist for you and grow where you need it most. Healthy people attract healthy people, so don’t neglect your own self-improvement efforts.

For heaven’s sake, STAY broken up! We get lonely, we think they’ve changed or we’ve changed or the situation has changed or the timing is better. You broke up for a reason and it is best not to go back to drink from that well again. This is a common pattern, but have you ever seen it work out? I know I’ve done it and no, it has never ever worked out. Be strong and move the fuck on.