Dating Requires Courage
A Desperado asks:
“…I’m currently 22 years old…and I have very little experience with dating. I do go out to like parties and stuff like that you know, but I am usually way too shy to ever go up and talk to the girls. I’ve tried using like dating sites but those usually don’t work out well. So I was just wondering what your advice for someone with little dating experience.”
First off, be kind to yourself because you are learning new skills and developing new muscles. It won’t feel comfortable right off the bat, but practice helps. It is scary to put yourself out there and open yourself up for possible rejection! So you’ve got to prepare yourself for this prospect. I think dating is kind of like public speaking – terrifying at first, but definitely gets easier (though maybe never easy) the more you do it.
I will also remind you that dating is just a numbers game. It is likely to take some time and maybe even lots of asks before you get a date, let alone find someone relationship worthy. That’s ok, get comfortable with not having immediate gratification, it is totally normal.
My suggestion to you would be to embrace online dating. I’m not sure exactly why you feel it didn’t work for you in the past, but maybe give it another try. It is a convenient tool for busy people, including busy college students, that can help you get over shyness and start talking to people. Talking to people leads to dates and dates lead to relationships (if that is what you seek).
And please remember that authenticity is attractive, so own who you are. Meaning, if someone is not kind to you when you put yourself out there to strike up a conversation and maybe even ask them for a date then fuck them! That’s not someone you want to know anyway if they are capable of that kind of behaviour. Move on to the next candidate. You are good enough just as you are, so don’t try to be someone you are not in an effort to attract people who are not interested in you. Look for people that are attracted to you for who you are, right now.
Karyn Shomler AKA kc is me