Make A List!! My Story Part 3
My ship was stable – the kids and I had a home (not just a house), we had family and friends. I had a steady job that allowed me to be there for the kids as much as possible. I was ready for some companionship, some adult conversation, to have someone to go out to dinner with once in a while. Of course I still believed in love and wanted a partner, but I gave myself permission to just enjoy adult company without the onus of finding a long-term partner.
I went on some dates, met a guy who was interesting, attractive and nice to talk to and we dated casually for a few months. I never thought he was a prospect for anything long-term, but he was a great Mr Right Now. It was nice to to go out, have good talks over good food, to be touched, to be admired as a woman again. It didn’t last, but it really wasn’t meant to either.
Now I was feeling strong, desirable and desirous. Ready to get out there and see if a true partner was really possible, but respectful enough of myself and my kids not to tolerate any bullshit anymore. I had built a nice life and wasn’t going to let anyone wreck it. I think a lot of people make the mistake of seeing having a partner as the way to make their life happy. I see it that making a satisfying life for yourself is your own responsibility. Finding a partner to share it all with is just icing on the cake.
I’m a committed listmaker so I applied that skill to the dating process. I made a long, detailed list of the traits I wanted in a partner and, maybe even more importantly, how I wanted to feel in a relationship. Instead of flying by the seat of my pants in search of love, I was going to be methodical about it. Kind of like when you go grocery shopping without a list and then you come home with a bunch of random items that may or may not be helpful vs when you go with a planned out list to help you resist the impulse buys and junk food. Make a list so you know what/who you are shopping for! Yours will be different, but this is my list. Not in any kind of order except kindness really is number one for me:
- Fun and funny, likes to laugh
- Motivated but likes to relax too
- We enjoy family time together and make this a priority
- Gets along with the kids and vice versa
- Strong but gentle
- Makes me feel safe (emotionally)
- He has seen some of the world and is open minded
- We travel
- We enjoy deep conversation
- He has known some hurt in life, but isn’t bitter
- Makes me feel loved, supported and appreciated for who I am
- A gentleman
- Tall, dark and handsome
What’s on your list?
Karyn Shomler AKA kc is me